Grandfather of the Year September 28, 2007

My dad visited last weekend, and although it was good to see him, I will not be extending him another invitation any time soon.

Upon his arrival, he immediately goes out to the deck to smoke a cigarette. As a smoker, I am fine with this. Hell, I join him. Little did I know that he would spend the whole goddamned weekend smoking on the deck. When he wasn’t smoking, he was talking on his cell phone, and on both Friday and Saturday, he had a few beers. Again, no big deal…except he started drinking at 4 p.m. on Friday, and since the baby doesn’t go to bed until 8 p.m., I couldn’ t really join him. By the time the hubby and I grab a drink and join him on the deck at 8:15 on Friday night, my dad is ASLEEP IN THE CHAIR. For real.

On Saturday, he accompanies us on the next failed installment of house tours. Afterwards, we’re all ready for a nosh, so we stop at Cracker Barrel for some fatty and delicious breakfast food. My dad proceeds to sit BY HIMSELF in the smoking section. Apparently, he cannot sit through one meal without having a cigarette at the ready. Dude, seriously? He doesn’t understand why we don’t take the baby to the smoking section or smoke in her presence, either. If he doesn’t get it, I can’t explain it to him. Jesus Christ. I was so pissed. Why did he drive for 3.5 hours to visit us when he’s spent every waking moment on the deck and now won’t even sit with us? Complete and utter douchebaggery.

Later that evening, he finally picks the baby up for the first time all weekend, and that’s only because he’s had a couple of beers and one of his buddies told him to give her a hug on his behalf. What the fuck ever. We have a decent time that night, but I have to admit, when he left Sunday morning, I was all too relieved. I asked the hubby to please remind me of this fiasco the next time I think I want my dad to visit. He assured me that he will.

The saddest part of all of this is that my dad has pulled a variety of annoying stunts like this over the years, and I keep “forgetting” about them in my neverending quest to have a good relationship with him. Don’t misunderstand: I love my father dearly, and it breaks my heart that he lives alone and seems so lonely a lot of the time. Then I see him, he acts like a jackass, and it all comes flooding back. He’s made his own bed. Now I just have to come to terms with who he really is and lower my expectations. Significantly.

Children’s Literature Propaganda September 28, 2007

Since we began reading to the baby the day she came home from the hospital, I have noticed some horrifying lessons woven into what I previously considered to be harmless and wholesome children’s stories.

Recently, I read her a story during bathtime. It’s a little tome called The Rainbow Fish. This tale begins with a regular little fish asking the title character for one of his scales, which are shiny and quite fetching. The Rainbow Fish rightfully does not want to pull parts of his body off just because some other rude fish wants one. Rainbow Fish is then ostracized from the other fish for “not sharing.” As the book progresses, I am becoming more and more incensed by the ridiculous lesson being taught here. I think the author is actually saying that giving away what makes you physically appealing will make you ugly, but happy. What the fuck is that? I told the baby that this story was a load of crap, and just because someone wants something that is yours doesn’t mean they have any right to it. The hubby pointed out that this book is nothing more than pinko commie propaganda, and I couldn’t agree more.

So Tired. So Unmotivated. September 24, 2007

This is week 4 of Back To Work mode. It’s wearing me out. The baby is barely tolerant of spending hours and hours in her play area. My current assignment is really helping to progress what I’m positive is carpal tunnel syndrome in the left wrist. Woo hoo. Help me see the monetary light. Trust me, that’s the ONLY reason I even care about working. It does not fulfill me. It fills the bank account. Blah.

Houses 18-20 In Person; Houses 21-27 Drivebys September 24, 2007

Yep, we eliminated another 9 houses this weekend from the search. Two were in person, and 7 were mere drivebys.

Since I’m obviously obsessed with this home search, last night I dreamt that we were going to buy a trailer for $250k. When I told the hubby about the dream this morning, he asked, did it have an indoor basketball court? Was it a triple-wide?

Get That Out Of Your Mouth! September 10, 2007

Oh lord and baby jesus, I just found the baby chewing on the teensy barrette we’ve been using to clip her bangs away from her face. Was I not just telling my mother this morning that we were going to trim her bangs tonight because “the last thing I need is for her to put one of those metal things in her mouth.” Well, guess she heard me. Thank god I saw it before she swallowed it. On Saturday, she was holding some of the house paperwork, and narrowly missed getting a staple in her mouth. Both the hubby and I will be glad when this dangerous stage is over. Of course, the next one is probably scaling furniture only to jump off of it.